she was driving home from work. it was late.

a stop at subway took care of the hunger. then she was back on the road.

he came across her mind. they’d reconnected several weeks earlier.

peace and reconciliation were important in this season. she’d obeyed spirit’s prompts.

and she did this night, too. she called him. he didn’t answer. she didn’t leave a message.

he called her back a few minutes later.

 

 

it was good to hear his voice. her heart beat fast. memories flooded back.

after they circled the wagons and went through the formalities, she got down to business.

“do you miss me?” he tried to dodge the question. “what’s this all about?”

his lackadaisical response opened up the gate and she just went off on him.

“why the hell didn’t you ever come after me? i needed you to come after me, to make it known how valuable and precious I was to you.” she was pissed off.

she used words with him she’d never used before. she called him an a**hole.

he was quiet. he let her yell until she had to take a breath.

he said he’d had his own demons to fight.

yes, he missed her.

the artwork of the two of them together in a storm still hung on the bedroom wall. he looked at it every night.

yes, he missed her.

now, she went where she’d never gone before.

she called out the spirits that kept him bound: poverty, infirmity and self-pity, the ugly three-some with invisible prison bars around him.

she went on sobbing and yelling at him. loudly.

“i have never invested so much of my life in anyone before. it wasn’t supposed to go like this! i have never wanted anything more for you than to be free so you could be all father called you to be.”

“you are not your past. you are not the things that were done to you. they have all been paid for one time by jesus.”

the anger and passion had taken over. this was the most real and authentic conversation they’d ever had.

she gave him things to think about, showing him how he could choose to simply think differently – and it would all change for him.

she called out his pride.

she called out the lying spirits that fed him crap all day long. she told him what steps he could take to shift things.

she cried more, yelled at him more. and he took it.

he wouldn’t have heard her a couple of years ago. he heard her now.

he got brave. “would you like to go get coffee sometime?”

she offered him a maybe.

the dog was about to pee on the carpet. he had to go.

she was still angry. “what?!? you’re going to end it like this?”

he chuckled with warmth in his voice and made a joke about the dog. she knew about the dog. their dog. it was okay.

they said goodnight and their conversation ended.

she went in the house. the eye faucets did not turn off easily. pent up emotions were now loosed all over the map.

that was a very necessary conversation to have. she loved him deeply, would always love him deeply. fiercely even.

you never scream at someone you don’t care about.

she called a close friend and they talked. the friend suggested it might be a good time to go to the coast to talk with father again. there was sorting to be done here. she agreed.

the next morning was better. she’d begun the conversation with father as she lay in bed the night before. now it continued.

his voice was so soft, she almost missed it. “i’m causing it all to work for good.” in the moment, she didn’t see how, but she took hold of what he said. he never lied so he would do something with this. and it would be good.

during the morning commute, tears sprung to her eyes again and would not stop. she asked the question within, ‘why? why wouldn’t he fight for himself?’

she asked holy spirit to handle her emotions and she settled down into worship and prayer.

‘remember love, remember mercy, christ before me, christ behind me. your loving kindness has never failed me, christ before me, christ behind me.’ it felt good to sing it. it was true. he was here, right in the thick of it with her.

there would be more conversations with father until she had resolution.

it was time to fight for the men. all of the men.

(copyright 2017 jane doe)

he hadn’t slept well. again.

he’d needed help. the effects of the ‘help’ had left him groggy and foggy.

she was cheerful and optimistic, her glass always half full. they were oil and water that morning.

over breakfast, she talked about family, how traumatic events ripple through them, affecting everyone. she offered perspective and wisdom.

he was angry at what she said, more agitated now than he’d been before they sat down to eat. her words broke up the lies he’d been camped on.

the nasty three-some spirits of poverty, self-pity & infirmity had been shaken loose. they were not pleased. self-pity was especially irked.

she went to the restroom to breathe. holy spirit said that was enough for now. ‘yes, that was enough,’ she agreed.

he looked like he wanted to throw his omelet across the table at her. anger masked all of his handsome features. this was not the man she’d first met. this one was hearing truth and getting free. the demons wanted to retain control.

his mind raced as he glared at his omelet, avoiding her eyes.

if what she said was true, he had no choice but to shift his thinking.

he was an overcomer now, no longer a victim, no longer a slave to fear.

he liked that she was smart and talked with father, jesus and holy spirit. until they all pushed a button together at the same time.

it took him a minute to think it through, to make a better choice. but he did. because he was smart. he had the mind of christ.

they left the restaurant and headed out on the open road.

he pulled into one park and stopped the truck. he barked at her. “do you want to stay here or go to the gorge?” she kept her peace and cheery demeanor. “you get to choose, you’re driving.”

he shifted the truck back into drive, and they continued on. she prayed with holy spirit. the silence between them was deafening for a minute.

the atmosphere shifted when they reached the park in the river gorge, their destination.

as they drove over the bridge, fresh snow was visible on the tops of the trees. low hanging clouds reminded her of holy spirit. it was breathtaking.

she asked him to stop the truck so she could get out and take photos from there. he parked and did the same.

of course, the park ranger approached from the other direction in his truck. he wore a scowl on his face. “can you please move your truck off of the bridge?” they climbed back into the truck and drove into the parking area.

soon after, they began walking the paved path around the park, her arm linked through his. it was how they walked together.

gentle rain began to fall.

he stopped in front of her and adjusted the hood of her rain coat so she would stay dry and warm. her heart skipped a beat at his tenderness. this was the man she knew and loved.

moving forward again, she began talking to him about the man he had become, who he was now, and the importance of the sacrifices he’d made. they were the right choices. even when other voices screamed loudly with accusation. he had done the right thing.

she brought up father god, then abraham and isaac, joseph and pioneers. as they talked, he remembered abraham didn’t have to sacrifice isaac.

she offered him a similar story of a father who loved his young daughter, giving her up so she would have the best. more than he could offer her at the time. she assured him that father always caused things to work together for good. it was what he did.

he turned back around to the north side of the park and quietly announced, “look, there’s a rainbow.”

she turned, looking the same direction. her eyes grew wide and her heart beat a little faster.

father had dropped a rainbow 50 yards in front of them. it was close enough to touch.

the colors grew more vivid and brilliant. then a second rainbow appeared behind the first.

father was not shy in showing his love and goodness to them. the rainbows were gifts of honor and promise to them right there in that place.

when father knew they ‘got it,’ the rainbows faded away.

he was a good father.

and he would keep his promises to them.

(copyright 2017 jane doe)

 

 

Dear Family & Friends,

I’ve really enjoyed being able to communicate with some of you either on the phone or through Facebook.

Social media is a new way of communicating for me since I’ve been off the grid for a while.

In our conversations, I learned that several family members I loved and cared for have gone on to heaven. I cherished these people as you all did, as well as the relationships we shared together.

Please know that I’ve thought of you all so often.

I also learned that many of you have welcomed new children into your families. New life brings joy.

Thanks to those of you who have reached out to me. I’m grateful for the opportunity to renew relationships.

I’m looking forward to talking with more of you in the future.

Love,

Nathan

(copyright 2017 jane doe)

 

jesus summoned her to the beach again on a sunday afternoon.

this time she went alone.

her shoes stayed on her feet until she couldn’t stand it anymore. they had to come off.

finding a washed up log to assist her, she took off her shoes, placing them on the log.

barefoot. and barefoot on the beach. more better.

haystack rock was off in the distance surrounded by sunbeams. she snapped some photos with her phone, turning her back to the sun and surf to post them.

then it caught her. completely off guard. unprepared.

it was a sneaker wave.

she squealed in surprise as the cold water rushed up her legs to knee level, watching in disbelief as the rogue wave swooshed her shoes forward off the log.

one shoe landed in the sand in front of her. she turned around to see the misbehaving wave carry the other shoe toward the sea.

she called out to the wave, “you’d better bring that back here!”

laughing, she grabbed the shoe that didn’t get away and placed it back on the log.

when she turned back to the water, the wave had returned her other shoe. she ran out to get it before it got away again.

shoes secured, she looked up and around to see people. watching her. smiling. pointing. laughing. “oh, lord,” she said, shaking her head.

regrouping, she walked the beach and worshipped.

she loved this time with jesus. they played and laughed.

when it was nearly time to leave for home, father joined the conversation.

it was about him, the man she’d invested her heart in for several years.

“you couldn’t write his story until you lived his life with him.”

the next sneaker wave she felt was a wave of father’s love washing over her.

he let her feel his love for the man, his son.

father shared more insight.

he showed her how love covers a multitude of sins.

he explained the necessity of covering others with love when they stumble.

“forgive someone, and you will strengthen your friendship. keep reminding them, and you will destroy it.” proverbs 17:9 (erv)

the sneaker waves came and the tears flowed for 3 weeks.

now, she would choose to cover with love.

(copyright 2017 jane doe)

dear family & friends,

i love you. i miss you. i look forward to hugging each of you as soon as the opportunity arises.

i’m reaching out to you with what’s on my heart. a lot of time has passed, and much has changed in all of our lives.

mom and dad, i honor and respect you. thank you for giving me life. i thank god for you. my journey has not been without challenges and obstacles. i have become an honorable man, consistent, reliable and stable, a man of integrity.

thanks to each of you for what you did for me and for my daughter during a dark time in my life. i’m grateful for your loving actions and the sacrifices you’ve made.

no one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

I’m ready to re-establish relationships with each of you. I recognize this will take time, grace and forgiveness. I am patient and willing to make things happen.

psalm 133:1-3 (ESV) “behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! it is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of aaron, running down on the collar of his robes! it is like the dew of hermon, which falls on the mountains of zion! for there the lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore.”

i bless you with peace and send you my love.

nathan

 

(copyright 2017 jane doe)

it was easy in the beginning. new, fresh, delightful.

fun adventures appeared around every corner as they took back pieces of their lives together.

two are better than one.

it wasn’t long after the new beginning that the real work began. the hard work of loving, the daily choice to love this day, then the next. and the one after that, too.

the choice to choose each other when it was hard. and it got hard.

open wounds surfaced quickly. father wanted to touch those places with his love.

once fully healed, always fully healed.

at first, father had her send emails with his words and direction. they remained unopened. topic avoided.

she’d brought it up in conversation, once, then twice. had there been a third time?

she framed it so he could see the help available to him.

when the toxicity spilled out again, she hit it head on. it was making her sick inside now. it had to be done.

she told him she was there for support in every good way, just like before.

she also brought him wise counsel with a loving boundary.

 

 

without fanfare or drama, she asked him to stop calling the other woman a bitch in their conversations.

“when you call her a bitch, it’s releasing word swords tipped with poison into the atmosphere. i don’t need to be on the receiving end of those words.”

she advised him his words were also messing with something he wanted done. his words were working against him and for the enemy.

bless. do not curse.

there was more.

“and although you tell me you’re not holding a grudge, your words tell a different story.yes, you need to heal. i get that. but spewing the words out shows what’s still in your heart.”

“keep forgiving until you no longer want to call her names. bless her when the enemy tempts you to curse her. no matter her sins or anyone else’s, it is never good to side with the accuser of the brethren.”

“i love you.”

edit. read out loud again.

push the send button.

forgive.

(copyright 2017 jane doe)

 

her favorite bridge is iconic, a beautiful, majestic work of engineering and design.

when she first moved to the new city, it took her breath away.

she stepped outside the clay hut at night, the bridge before her, soft lights illuminating the green patina.

from the east and the west, drivers climb a steep elevation to get to the entrance of the bridge where they cross over into the city.

at the end of most work days, save for bank and school holidays, heavy traffic climbs the hill to cross the bridge.

the east bound hill has single lane traffic in both directions, but the west bound hill is different.

while one lane of traffic descends the hill toward the freeway, two lanes ascend to the top. these two lanes converge to one lane near the top. a trusty stoplight meets the drivers and manages traffic flow over the bridge.

chaos had ruled these two lanes in rush hour for as long as she’d lived there.

in those days, he drove her to and from work. they often took this route home in the evenings. it took about the same amount of time as taking the freeway.

driving this route had purpose attached to it.

the two ascending lanes were meant to accommodate two full lanes of traffic. spirits of chaos controlled these traffic lanes.

many drivers straddled the dashed lines in the center of the two lanes beginning at the bottom of the hill. their actions reduced the capacity of these lanes, nullifying their intent.

in addition, traffic backed up beyond the safety of the turn lane on the highway below. danger increased exponentially for those waiting to ascend the hill, as well as those simply traveling west on the highway.

it was a bad situation all around.

honking ensued. road rage followed close behind.

the chaos, unrest, anger and selfishness weren’t just influencing other drivers. he was influenced, too.

the weekday commute home was miserable. and some days, it was down right terrifying.

she did what she knew to do. holy spirit helped her.

each night in the car, she released kingdom order into the chaos on the hill.

she released angels to cause drivers to use both lanes as per the original intent.

she blessed the drivers. she released peace.

it got worse before it got better. she kept at it.

on the morning drives to work, they often took the freeway.

he was amazed as she commanded traffic to move at posted speeds, releasing angels into it to do her bidding. it moved.

finally, one evening on the commute home, what she had prophesied over the traffic on the hill became reality.

both lanes ascending to the top were in full use.

the honking was over. the rage was gone.

peace reigned.

the kingdom had come.

(copyright 2017 jane doe)