Dio (God) is forte (strong) and presente (present) in every pasticcio (mess)
Author: jane doe
i'm an energetic, lively, passionate woman living out my dreams on the west coast of the us. i maintain a 'perpetual tourist' status to live life fully engaged. some of my favorite things are road trips, hiking, the beach, loud music and writing stories (of course) to accompany my nature photography. i'm told I love well and have an infectious laugh.
my family includes a grown son that i dote on, in addition to a multitude of people around the world i also consider family. welcome. i'm glad our paths have intersected here.
we know life here on earth is messy. i've lived through some things, some badly and some brilliantly, experiencing mercy, grace and unfailing love from heaven through all of it.
as we travel together, take this truth with you in your suitcase: in every mess god shows up in the three persons of papa, jesus and holy spirit. they show up to make something glorious from every mess. they make something glorious of me, and something glorious of you.
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a week earlier, she’d needed a road trip and her son’s home was the destination. the car was her prayer closet. she needed that space and some miles alone with holy spirit.
on the way, she stopped at the grocery store and bought organic lettuce and uncured summer sausage, some for her and some for her son. when she arrived, she knew it was only a quick visit. he was busy working on four-wheelers and had made it clear he did not have time for conversation.
he was surprised at the food gifts and thanked her. hoping for time together, she reminded him the next sunday was mother’s day. his expression was a mixture of ‘oh, shit’ and ‘i’m not changing my plans.’ he had a baby shower to attend that day.
as she locked eyes with him, the words were right there, just waiting to be spoken. she wanted to gently explain to her son that if he wanted a wife, he best learn to treat his mother honorably. if he didn’t make space for momma, he was not making space for a wife.
instead, she looked at him with a smile, caught the words before they left her mouth, and told him she would share those thoughts another time. timing really is everything. and he knew without her saying a word. he had to make different choices for the outcomes he wanted. she would continue to pray for him.
back to mother’s day. the day had been peaceful and quiet. she’s done a few things around the house and picked up some groceries. it was late afternoon. the weather was cool, great for walking. she’d had early dinner and felt restless. “father, can I go for a walk?” he answered immediately, “yes, you can.” hmm. there was a plan.
she dressed and headed out around the lake. when she was about two thirds of the way around, she saw a large bird flying into the the area, then soaring over the water. was it a hawk or an eagle? she looked for the white head on the bird while it scanned the water for fish. its’ prey targeted, the raptor swooped down and snatched it out of the water. it flew closer to her and she saw it was an eagle, just a young one whose head wasn’t white yet. father was speaking to her, affirming her. much of their communication was silent; it was a knowing.
she continued around the lake, thankful for that encounter. as she approached her building, she stopped to listen to a bird sing in a bush. out of the blue, she thought of enoch and looked up. “you know, sometimes i wish you’d just jack me out of here like you did enoch.” to her surprise, enoch appeared on her left and father spoke. “enoch will be your guide this next leg of the journey.” she said, “okay.” what else was there to say? this was a huge honor. and an old request granted..
the backstory begins here:
time travel back to the early 2000’s, say 2003, to the time she was learning to walk with father, jesus and holy spirit.
she had pressed in until she had her heavenly prayer language, speaking in other tongues. prayer was important, especially tongues. the enemy cannot translate it. it’s a highly effective weapon.
several times a week, she would drive into the small town nearby to walk the high school track to pray and worship. no doubt the neighbors heard the tongues and her singing at the top of her voice.
on this particular saturday morning, she was praying and singing ‘irresistible,’ by darlene zschech. it was the same song she’d sung out over the hills of samaria only months earlier in israel.
during that period of time, enoch was the topic of study. she was fascinated by him, his knowledge, the relationship and intimacy he and father god shared. as she walked that humid morning, she came around the west side of the track and stopped. she looked up and took a breath. with both confidence and trepidation, she told her father what she wanted.
“i want a walk with you like enoch had.” the gravity of her request immediately shifted the atmosphere of the cosmos. as she awaited his response, she heard the holy hush. the weightiness of her words was palpable.
all activity ceased. angels, the cloud of witnesses and every other occupant of heaven peered toward the earth to see who would dare make such an ask.
she continued to wait, her feet stuck in place on the asphalt track. finally, he answered her, his voice tender and gentle: “that will take a lifetime to walk out, child.”
the request she made decades earlier was not forgotten.
it was sunday morning. she got up early, declaring, “this is the day the lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it.” she said it again for good measure, so the liar clearly understood he had no entry today.
she fed the cat. made coffee. listened to another podcast. in her thoughts, she said, “thank you, lord, that i have a mind like a steel trap.” she would not be ashamed of it again. all the information and data she was absorbing would be critical in the future.
she powered through her morning prayers and prayed in tongues for a bit. then the shopping list came to mind.
she is a planner. anyone who *knows* her knows this. while some make fun, they are secretly pleased she’s gifted this way. she has a plan for every contingency. wisdom sees ahead and makes plans. #hello.
there were a few nagging things to get before the truckers went on strike after thanksgiving. holy spirit spoke up, “go get your things.” she messed around on amazon checking prices until he nudged her again with a spiritual cattle prod. angels nearly pushed her out the door. “okay, okay, i’m going!”
what was the urgency here? timing. timing is everything.
she walked into the store like she usually did: no makeup, no eyebrows. and no mask.
pulling up her list on the phone, she quickly filled empty water jugs and grabbed the first few items on the list. after that, she searched out the right aisle to get two bottles of organic lemon juice. a pretty, energetic younger woman with a mask on called her out. “you don’t have a mask on.”
ugh. another karen. great. she met the woman’s eyes and gave her usual response of a having a medical exemption with barely concealed irritation. the woman said, “oh.” she began walking back down the aisle toward the lemon juice muttering, “mind your own effing business.”
when she got to the lemon juice, she discovered she couldn’t reach the large sized bottles. several had been sold, so the remaining stock was at the back of the shelf. the man behind her with a cart came to the rescue, offering to help. he was taller, kind, saying he was happy to help where he could.
somehow, conversation began. the trucker’s strike in support of the trump administration was the first topic and they quickly learned they were of like minds. mask conversation ensued (of course it did) and she shared her recent experience with the woman a few minutes earlier.
as they talked and discussed shared similar mindsets, a woman walked up on them from the other direction. no, you can’t make this up, and yes, it was..
it was the pretty younger woman who’d asked about her mask. the light bulb came on for all them at the same time. the woman was actually giving her a compliment for not having a mask on, not criticizing her. but because she had a mask on, her smile of encouragement wasn’t visible. oi vey.
she was mortified. that was the first time she’d ever told anyone to mind their own business. they were all laughing. and it was all okay. clearly, father god had set up the entire exchange for them to meet and connect.
she gave them her contact information. they were stoked at how they met because theydidn’t usually shop on sunday mornings. neither did she..
it was time to mobilize the local warriors.
and juan o’savin’s new book, “kid by the side of the road,” would be very useful.
glorious and grueling. those were the best descriptors to tie the whole week together. events and details were interwoven for eternity. god assignments, god moments, god words, god plans, god words. “unconventional.” “stay in wonder.”
you couldn’t make it up. nothing compared as she watched the movie reel of their time together. glorious and grueling. warfare was off the chain, but mercy and grace followed them every day. her love was more tangible and unconditional than it had ever been. she wanted to know what love was. this was new, a new height and a new depth.
when the week was over, life was different, the apartment too quiet. the struggle to move forward into the next assignment was real. she cried out for help from heaven. once the destination hotel reservations were made, breakthrough came and grace covered the route planning and remaining details.
moving forward was like slogging through knee deep mud. packing was hard. frankly, everything was hard at that point. her heart was shattered but there was no time to manage that. there was work to do. healing could wait but forgiveness could not. forgive willingly, completely, and unconditionally. do it often.
the lord sent help. he always does. the cloud of witnesses is real. one witness showed up with tangible support. she shared jesus with this one in another realm months ago, watching as he crossed into heaven after he received the truth. he was grateful and in turn, was assigned to look after her. they were fast friends now.
as she processed events in her big chair, she heard a knock on the door. she opened it to find the witness standing there. she collapsed into his arms. he held her as she sobbed. he was a good friend.
a few days later, she packed the car and turned her keys over to another faithful friend. this one stood in strength and prayer at home, a significant, critical role.
an ice storm hit that morning (of course it did) making the first few hours of the journey a minefield. old triggers tried to attach as vehicles slid into ditches. holy spirit coached her, encouraging her to focus. the triggers found no place to land.
as she drove, her witness friend slipped into the passenger seat next to her. his mood was somber, like hers. she thanked him for showing up, grateful for his presence as they drove the highways and interstates together. the miles were filled with prayer, worship, strategy and tears, a different order every day.
she spent the first night in peoria, nearly choking on her dinner as she watched, ‘the property brothers,’ on hgtv. the enemy held nothing back as unsuspecting viewers were encouraged to furnish their homes with freemasonry symbology designed on furniture and flooring. symbolism will be their downfall.
then came columbus. plenty to pray through as she saw the lexner name on several buildings. these bloodline families are arrogant, believing their good works will cover their evil deeds. this is not how it works.
on the third day, she crossed over the beltway. authority was granted and she kicked into gear. time to work. she quickly put the witch covens on lockdown, severely limiting any plans they had to disrupt the worship event scheduled for sunday night.
praying in tongues, she navigated the george washington parkway, laughing out loud as father said, “welcome home, honey.” she gave him an affectionate eyeroll and shook her head. that would be another conversation at a different time.
the hotel was dark (of course it was.) she put angels to work cleaning her room, settled in, ate dinner and crashed. exhaustion was right there, waiting for her agreement to disable her body and take over the agenda. she pushed it back and focused on the work.
seventeen is a lovely number, a favorite number used by the elites. seventeen intelligence agencies are strategically placed in the freemasonry architecture of the district of Columbia, which has also served as the military arm of the elite until president trump. symbolism will be their downfall. nothing could stop what was coming. every patriot had a part to play; she was playing hers.
she slept fitfully, thoughts racing through her mind as she worked to land the plan for sunday. when she woke, she prayed through the normal morning prayer, customizing it for the day. tongues were forceful. no time for play.
when early afternoon arrived, she got a lyft ride with a paranoid covid driver who didn’t want to take her without a mask. she quickly won him over and they settled into conversation. she read him to see what truth she could give him during their short time together. listening to his story, she built him up and gave him a generous tip.
most people didn’t understand what they were giving place to; that’s the insidious nature of witchcraft. the mask silences your voice, takes away your breath. this is an occult ritual along with the farcical social distancing edict. what you do not know will hurt you eight ways from sunday.
it was cold and rainy, damp as she exited the lyft near the washington monument. she soon discovered she was underdressed. ugh. nothing to do about it now. she had to suck it up for a few hours. at least she had an umbrella.
she spent the first hour and a half in strategic work, waiting for holy spirit to give her instructions, executing them and sending them across every age, realm, timeline, and dimension, past present and future, into infinity and beyond. this is not a game. she, like many, knew there was one shot at this thing. military precision and timely execution were key.
the worship event was starting soon. she crossed the street to the national mall assessing the food trucks on hand to feed the hungry worshippers and tourists. the chosen vendor cooked her food and placed it in her hands with a smile. she walked toward the stage quickly eating the hot chicken, joining thousands of people for this epic event.
she was to blend in the crowd, staying hidden from the witches, warlocks and satanists who were also present. her tongues would weaken any remaining evil juice they had left after the covens were put on lockdown.
settled on the right edge of the mall, she finished her food and prepared her heart and mind for the worship. this was no time to leave anything on the table. too much was at stake. tears came quickly and easily as sean feucht welcomed the masses.
*for such a time as this* was the understatement of the century. as the music began, she leaned into holy spirit to see what to release and when. timing is everything.
arms raised, tears streaming down her cheeks, she purposed to give jesus everything she had, even with her heart in pieces. father honored her in that place with comfort and a promise, saying, “soon, child, soon.” she pressed into him more deeply. he was faithful.
as the worship continued, people poured onto the mall, bringing passion, devotion and prayers before the throne. in this mass appeal to heaven, lives were redeemed while demonic structures and institutions were torn down. heaven was being pulled on hard by the saints.
a family of five moved into the open area in front of her, the husband and father, the wife and mother, two daughters and a son. there was a peace and beauty on them, a tangible unity you could touch and feel. the wife and mother was radiant. she was well loved and honored. the children were secure and confident even in their youth.
she watched them together as they began to worship, all five of them. this was church. this was true family. and there was more.
the rain began to fall on the crowd. already in love with the family in front of her, she did what a mother does and walked forward toward them. in a few steps she was behind them all holding her umbrella high over the little group. the beauty of the moment, the love of her gesture caught the family off guard as they realized she had moved in behind them to keep them dry.
after a few moments, the wife and mother, andrea, turned to thank her and make introductions. suddenly, she was family. andrew, the husband and father, stood at her right, towering over all of them at six feet and six inches tall.
he held their young son in his right arm as he leaned down to her and gently took the umbrella from her right hand with his left hand. “let me hold this for us.” she looked back at him, grateful for her inclusion into their clan. “i wasn’t supposed to be here alone.” his eyes expressed compassion and understanding without the need for spoken words.
tears pricked at her eyes as she felt his immense love for his family. he was their protector and they knew it. in her heart, she spoke to abba, “i want that..”
after a time, everyone prayed for the state they were from. her newly adopted family moved often so they named the states they had lived. to her surprise, andrew was from her own home state. they visited, held hands and prayed together as a family, all six of them.
she took time to draw the little girls close to her and hug them. they hugged her back. family. worship continued, then more prayer, assignments were given to people. lou engle called upon the daughters of eve to rise up and defeat jezebel, asking everyone to lay hands on the women around them.
she watched as andrew reached forward with his right hand and placed it on andrea’s shoulder. what he did next wrecked her. he placed his left hand on her shoulder to pray for her, too. now the floodgates were open, and tears streamed down her cheeks again. “father, i want this..” the silent prayer.
this man was unlike most she had ever met. he sang over his young son as he held him. the love and devotion he showed toward his family was unhindered and limitless. he knew who he was and he willingly took his position.
this family were her gift that cold, rainy, once in lifetime evening, worshipping on the national mall in washington dc. they were her great reward for obedience in the face of circumstances beyond her control.
she was cold, tired, spent. abba spoke up, told her to go home, her assignment was done. she heard the pleasure in his voice and her step was lighter for it as she walked back across the national mall to get a lyft.
after returning to her room, she organized her things for departure the next morning.
the journey home was largely uneventful, save for road construction delays and some fog.
her friend from the cloud of witnesses made part of the trip with her again. the assignment behind her, she could focus on matters of the heart. there were many, along with songs, prayers and tears to accompany them.
first, i heard another sister’s heavy heart regarding the overall apathy she was seeing.
then i recounted the courage and boldness i’ve witnessed in other believers and patriots the last few days.
it all drove me to do something, to take decisive action.
i acquired more testicular fortitude. yes. i did it.
i grew another pair of balls.
and then i went out to do errands, praying in tongues the whole time.
upon visiting my financial institution, i was promptly stopped at the door and told masks were required. i calmly responded that i was unable to wear a mask. the woman was taken aback that anyone dare challenge the deceitful, oppressive and satanic narrative.
she said it was a good thing they weren’t busy. i went to the counter and engaged with the teller. i proceeded to do my business quietly, politely, laughing with her and thanking her when i was done.
the next stop was the discount grocer. no one stopped me or badgered me in any way. i had a great shopping experience, smiled at people and saved $39.00 on my grocery bill.
then i went to the pet food store. i love the owner, always have. but she and her staff have been taken captive by fear. you cannot enter the store without a mask. i entered, offering again i was not able to wear one.
the young woman wanted me to go outside to wait. she would shop for me. i explained that they’re in violation of osha laws by requiring me to wear a mask and not allowing me inside the store. the man working the counter snapped at me, “it’s the law to wear a mask!”
“no, it’s not. all these things are guidelines, not laws.”
“well, we would prefer it if you waited outside.”
the young woman got my things while i stood by the door giving her direction on which items i wanted to purchase. i was not rude or demanding. i spoke the truth and it was offensive. i thanked her when i left, wondering if i would be welcomed back.
i’ve shared the, “out of the shadows,” movie with the owner (not present today), as well as other tidbits of truth. i’ve invited her to coffee or dinner to have real conversations, but she won’t take me up on it.
she knows i love her, but fear has so gripped her, she is too afraid to take hold of any truth that would free her from the bondage.
when i show up now, she’s not happy to see me.
freedom has become an offense.
people are not aware of our god given liberties trampled each and every day.
to not speak truth is not love.
love speaks truth so others do not perish.
and perishing occurs at many levels. it’s how we got here in the first place.
it was both uncomfortable and liberating to speak today.
i held my head high and engaged eye to eye and face to face whenever i could.
and no one will ever be able to ask, “why didn’t you tell me?”
and i will continue to fight for you, even in your slumber, because love does that.
tyranny is at the door with its hand on the knob, attempting to throw it wide open.
it was the weekend, time for another bath to rejuvenate and refresh. it was time for conversation with jesus on a topic she didn’t often broach.
it was painful. questions outnumbered answers. she was surprised when he addressed her thoughts before she could speak.
various scenes and encounters played through her mind like old movie reels.
years had passed. prophetic words had come, gone, fallen to the ground.
when they fell, she lifted them back up in her hands, gently cleansing them and strengthening them with promise.
well meaning friends attempted to console with platitudes and scripture. they didn’t quite fit or comfort.
other not so much friends came with false prophecy to take her away from the directives on her destiny scroll. she was both surprised and amused when demons rose up as lying words were confronted with truth.
she thanked abba for the spirit of truth. truth was a close companion and trusted friend. healing and deliverance came as fast as truth rooted out the counterfeit.
old doors were firmly closed while new ones opened wide to paths of freedom. it was a new season, one she’d waited for in earnest.
hope remained. she nurtured it daily. hope kept her focused and immovable.
new possibilities were presented for her consideration.
she tucked deeper into jesus’ protective embrace, occasionally glancing at his ring on her finger.
the bathtub conversation went to the promise she held in her heart.
it was jesus’ time to speak to it.
“you have said ‘yes’ to many of my sons, trusting me to do the work of transformation in them so you could be one flesh.
none of them have said ‘yes’ to you because of the high price it will cost to walk with you.
they have been afraid, unwilling to surrender to the work or the calling.
walking with you, child, is no small thing.
you have suffered massive rejection and misunderstanding, and yet you’ve never left my side.
i will make things right for you.”
in a few powerful words of truth, he’d blown away the shame, rejection, religion and all the other mess.
memories stirred in her heart like a wooden spoon stirring ingredients together in a mixing bowl.
there was the rainbow at beacon rock. plans for the little restaurant in the gorge. dreams of a home on the coast.
these were not small things. his was intense, passionate. he wanted to rebuild his life. he didn’t want to do it alone. but there were character issues. and pride. it caused him to stumble. and it kept him from yielding to holy spirit, jesus and papa.
she’d seen it often. when pride rose up in him, darkness would cover his face. the tenderness she loved in him was hidden. joy was crushed in anger and unforgiveness.
nearly a year passed since any communication occurred between them. and it was her doing the reaching out. again. he’d gone dark after helping her with the car battery at the airport after thanksgiving. christmas came and went without a word.
she texted him on new year’s day, wished him well. he responded back, but even his texting voice felt small. he wasn’t in a good place, maybe drunk.
now, on the eve of another christmas, memories resurfaced. she smiled, recalling times, places, conversations. his daughter. his family. aunt louise and uncle charlie.
she texted him again, fondly recalling a few details that would make him smile if she wasn’t blocked on his phone. she visited several of his family’s facebook pages, wondering out loud if he’d been home to visit them yet. it was fifteen years now since he’d seen them.
she recalled words spoken over their lives. his momma would be a momma to her. his daughter would be her daughter, just like she’d given birth to her. aunt louise had taken her under her wing, always grateful for how she’d brought him back into communication with the family.
when it got too painful to hold on, she quietly unfriended his momma. she contacted the half-brother and aunt louise to tell them she needed to move on. they wished her well. the half-brother invited her to visit him and his wife if she was ever in alabama. it hadn’t taken long to develop bonds with them.
on a whim, she reached out to aunt louise on messenger, not knowing if she’d even see her message since they were no longer connected. why was all of this flooding back into the forefront?
praying, she got into her weekly epsom salt bath. sitting in silence, papa surprised her with a question. “would you take him back if he was all cleaned up?” her head snapped as she looked up to him. “first of all, you can please confirm this is you. i’m pretty vulnerable right now. secondly, yes, i might, but with conditions.”
the conditions were clear: he needed to be walking closely with papa, jesus and holy spirit. and he would need to come out of agreement with every spirit that does not serve jesus. those two qualifiers covered a lot of ground.
something deeper was working. she wasn’t clear on what it was. more prayer, more healing in the salty, lavender water. thirty minutes later, she was on the living room floor stretching. then cleansing her gateways. this was an important process. forgive, cleanse, release. release is equated with liberty.
late afternoon arrived and she began cooking for the week. chicken thighs fried on the stove, rice cooked in the dutch oven. when the phone rang, she was startled, but not as much as she was when she saw the location of the caller: new orleans. who and why?
she answered. “hello?” “hi ______!” i see you wanted to talk with me. it was aunt louise. calling her. from new orleans. what??? something deeper was working here.
she and uncle charlie were well. the big surprise and subsequent shock came shortly thereafter. he’d been home to visit. finally. he’d been there in october, just a few weeks ago. that was the big surprise. then came the shock.
he hadn’t gone alone. he went with a woman. not just a girlfriend. a fiancé. her head and heart reeled at the same time, shock waves tearing through her senses. aunt louise said something about them being forever grateful for bringing him back to them..somehow, the call ended abruptly.
devastation and betrayal set in. that was her trip to make with him, her family to meet. the new woman had taken credit for getting him there. truth spoke loudly over the top of the lie. she knew well the prophetic words she’d spoken over him two years earlier that propelled him forward to reconciliation with his family.
the truth could not be taken from her. his betrayal could not be ignored, either. he’d chosen not to yield, not to say, ‘yes,’ to papa, jesus and holy spirit. he didn’t want to do the work. it was easier to find someone else who didn’t require so much of him, someone who would be satisfied with mediocre.
it took two weeks to process all of it again. hashing over all the prophetic words, all the promises, all the conversations..and all the character flaws. left unchecked, the character flaws became massive stumbling blocks. indeed, they’d made the foundation of their relationship unstable.
his actions consistently sowed distrust. there was nothing solid to build on. it was unsustainable, shaky ground. she knew his history. if he was challenged to be more, he threw a tantrum. and if he didn’t get his way, he moved on to someone else.
two weeks later, she made a different decision. looking up, she spoke decisively. “i don’t want him back. if he was yielded to you, he would have come back for me. he did not. so i’m closing the door. you close it, too.”
she took back the key and the dream. papa had already breathed new life and purpose into her. it happened yesterday in the salty bath laced with lavender and into the future oils. he’d taken her heart into his large, gentle hands and breathed new life into it. it was beating strong again.
she held the key in her left hand, the side her heart lived in. someone was coming. he would be worthy of her heart, the key and the dream.
destiny beckoned as compromise lost its power and voice.
they’d last seen each other almost six months earlier. it ended abruptly when she decided not to listen to his tasmanian devil fit on the phone after confronting him on bad behavior.
as he spewed angry words across the airwaves, her response was simple and calm. “i am not having this conversation with you tonight.” she pressed the red button on her phone, disconnecting the call. kindness with boundaries. he does not have permission to speak to her this way. no.
the result of the boundary was an immediate facebook unfriend, a block on the phone and an email requesting she never call him again. it’s what people do when the mirror is placed before them. it was also a sign he was not worthy of her heart yet. sigh.
now here they were, giving it a go again. she was excited and wary. the phone call had gone well. now she waited for the text so she knew where to meet him.
they met at a new place, not one of their old favorites
he asked her to meet him at a new place. it was new to her, not to him, but new to them together – appropriate for a new beginning. arriving first, she made her way straight to the ladies room after a brief survey of the establishment.
she took a minute to get her bearings. and breathe. deep breath in, exhale slowly. rinse and repeat.
she checked her lipstick in the mirror, observing the glow on her face. there was a tenderness and light in her features that had been missing for several months. it returned the moment she heard his voice. love does that.
father, jesus and holy spirit were as excited as she was. realizing this was a new day, she asked holy spirit to order their conversation. shaking off any anxiety, she walked back into the bar area and settled at a table near the door. yikes. it was dark in this place. the smell of marijuana wafted in from the patio. it didn’t stimulate her appetite in the least. it wasn’t her favorite, never had been.
when he came in, he’d see her straight off. and he did. he walked in, saw her there, pulled back the chair to reach her and put his arms around her neck in greeting. my god, what a long time it had been since she felt his embrace. he sat down. they looked at each other. he asked her something she didn’t hear. she was so caught up in just looking at him she never heard the words.
“excuse me, i’m sorry. what did you say?” it was almost funny. well, no, it was funny. was she fifteen again? maybe. there wasn’t much that could render her speechless. she let him begin with the catching up so she could just look at him.
he was as beautiful as ever. dear lord. it wasn’t just his physical appearance. he was freer, glowing from the inside out, light in his eyes. his joy had returned. part of that joy was the call he got from her only a few hours earlier.
they glanced at menus. he was a regular here, so he made a couple of recommendations. “order whatever you like.” she ordered something, not really caring what it was. he went up to the bar, placing their order for food and drinks.
he was nervous, though, like a cat on a hot tin roof. she let him begin catching up on his life first. he was going to counseling, paying someone to listen to him vent. that was good. he also commented he’d tried dating, but it was a disaster. she felt some relief with a question mark following. why did he share this? this revelation would prove to be a clue later. she filed it away. guilty people always tell on themselves. they can’t help when it when truth is staring them in the face.
they finished their food while keeping the conversation moving. she studied him closely. he hadn’t been home to see his family yet. another item to file. she was in contact with his aunt/godmother, a lovely woman who prayed for her nephew consistently. she took her role of godmother seriously.
he knew the two of them spoke on messenger, asking what they talked about. she lightly danced around revealing their conversations. there was no need to show her hand except to encourage him to go home to visit. his parents and the rest of his family weren’t getting any younger. they wanted to see him before moving to heaven. it was that simple.
his response indicated he wasn’t ready for that trip yet. he ordered another beer. she asked how he was going to drive home. he wasn’t. an uber driver had dropped him there and uber driver would collect him and take him home. this had become a regular routine. he thought himself clever. it was a good choice for keeping his driver’s license, not so good for other obvious reasons.
it was late now and she had to work the next day, friday. he walked her down the street to her car. he hugged her goodbye, embracing her for a very long time, longer than he ever had before.
she got in her car and watched him walk back to the bar with unease and a heavy heart.