the last supper version 2.0

it was monday, the monday before the saturday she’d be flying out. this was not a simple trip home to see family. there was an assignment from father god included in her itinerary. it would require teamwork between an old friend back home and a conference call connecting the new friend in the pacific northwest. they made up a three-fold cord, not easily broken.

her schedule was somewhat set for the week. swim on monday and wednesday, dinner with him on tuesday evening, then manage details and pack for the trip. he called her out of the blue during the day, wanting her opinion on a jeep he was looking at. she didn’t have peace about it, and neither did he after inspecting the engine. he would wait. she affirmed his decision.

still intending to go swimming, she was surprised when he called again, this time to change dinner to that evening instead of tuesday. another clue, filed away with the others. she met him in the parking lot and walked over to his truck. he didn’t see her coming and nearly jumped out of his skin when she appeared at the driver’s door. she handed him an important book, one that could change his life if he took her counsel. he placed it in the cab, and they walked over to the indian restaurant.

she looked at him like a cow at a new gate.

he was extremely nervous. as they reviewed the menu, she commented on her inability to recall what she had the last time they were there. he remembered though, and recited it out loud word for word. she looked at him like a cow at a new gate. what was this? it was way out of character. it was guilt-induced attentiveness, that’s was it was. it’s a thing. she was feeling sick, not sure why, but ordered some falafel. he paid for dinner and they walked to their customary table in the back to wait for their meals.

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photo credit: pixabay

shortly after sitting down, he pulled out his phone and showed her a selfie photo of the ‘friend‘ he’d gone to the circus with the saturday past. she waited a polite amount of time, then excused herself to the powder room to compose herself. suddenly, all the clues formed the conclusion. he was seeing someone else, hiding in the safety of his definition of ‘friend.’ it was the woman in the photo, the same woman whose face had appeared ringing in on his phone. she was a nurse, he said. they were just friends, he said.

well then. that explained why he hadn’t responded to her text that saturday morning. hence the dream about the ***hole, too. now safely in the bathroom, trying to contain her emotions, she spoke to father god. “you’d better give me some grace to walk this out, because i’m not feeling it right now.” tears stung the corners of her eyes. how was she going to continue through the meal? grace. grace would carry her.

when she returned to their table, he began to talk about a new place he’d gone hiking. she looked him in the eyes and tested the water. “when are we going to go there together?” he answered her quickly, “when you get back we’ll go.” 

he looked at her across the table. he knew that she knew. steering the focus of conversation back to her, he asked about her upcoming trip. she looked at him again and this time, she spoke with her eyes. ‘i know what you’re doing, turning the focus back to me.’ he could barely meet her gaze. it was a look.

switching back to words, she shared with him how she was excited to see the man who’d given her purpose to live over thirty years ago after a near fatal car wreck. as she described how the doctor used to examine her facial scars, she reached across the table and placed her hands on his cheeks so he could feel the same sensation. he was melting under her gaze of love. she had no idea how she was even doing this without coming unglued. love just came out toward him. just love.

consistent, reliable and stable.

somewhere in the conversation, she reminded him of what father god had spoken to her about him. looking into his eyes again, she said it with her voice. “remember what father said about you. you are consistent, reliable….” he finished the sentence for her, the mirror reflecting on him now. “…and stable.” there it was: consistent, reliable and stable. he was becoming those things, though he was unaware how it was happening. he wanted to be those things, too.

most of her meal stayed on her plate. the falafel was dry. she’d lost her appetite once he’d showed her the selfie of him and his friend at the circus. they left the restaurant and walked back to her car. this time, she didn’t loop her arm through his as they walked.

she got in the driver’s side while he climbed in the passenger side. he asked if she needed anything to calm her on her trip because it was going to be intense. she observed his anxiety talking; it was not hers. in the end, he left her with some prescription meds. she placed them in a cubby, only to flush them down the toilet at a later date.

he was consumed with guilt, convicted at his behavior and deception. he knew that she knew. still trying to redeem himself, he told her to let him know if she wanted to get together one more time before she left on saturday. she nodded slowly. she would let him know.

he knew that she knew. and he did not know what to do.

to her surprise, he leaned over to kiss her on her right cheek. he lingered there, his lips pressed against her skin for a long time. he’d never done that before. finally pulling away, he did something else shocking, muttering the words, “love you” to her as his head hung down. he’d told her he loved her without her saying it first. that was a first. he knew that she knew. and he did not know what to do.

she drove home is a state of semi-shock, trying to believe the best without denying how all the clues and pieces had come together to form a whole picture. the next day, she texted him, asking him if he’d like to go swimming with her on wednesday night. it was the last night she could swim before her flight on saturday. he never responded. when she drove home from the pool on wednesday night, she saw why: his truck was parked at the yoga studio.

he was not worthy of her yet. she could not afford any more distraction or heartache before this trip. it was too important. he called sometime on thursday. she couldn’t talk with him. he did not leave a message.

on friday, he called her phone three times during the day. each time, she looked at it, gently saying, “i cannot talk to you now.” she could feel his panic as it manifested in her own gut, making her sick. she quickly consulted friends and then cut all negative soul ties with him. it stopped the flow of his anxiety into her. she did not own this mess or his actions. it was all on him.

details go sideways when truth is abandoned

she asked father when she should respond to him. he advised her to text him after work was over. as she was nearly ready to text him, he texted her. she could hear his fear and anger in the text. “i am trying to confirm if i need to pick you up tonight and bring you to the airport.” clearly, he was distraught, because he had the timing of her departure wrong. details go sideways when truth is abandoned.

breathing in and drawing on more grace, she responded to him likewise in text, “something’s come up, a change in plans. thanks for offering, but you won’t need to take me to the airport in the morning.” 

he did not ask about the change in plans. he did not respond at all.

he was not worthy of her yet.

copyright © 2017 jane doe productions

falafel and the circus

the long anticipated trip quickly approached. like any assignment she’d been given, the warfare and distractions intensified as the mission neared. while warfare was expected, she was nearly always caught off guard by the people it came through.

recent events and dreams revealed details difficult to choke down rather like a massive hairball. while she unraveled freemasonry in her own family, she saw it clearly in his family line, too. he didn’t want to hear about it even as she encouraged him to do the work to be freedom from the curses.

she told him about the resource she’d used. she offered to walk with him through his own process. she shared how much this mattered for future generations of his bloodline, for his children and grandchildren.

they had dinner scheduled the week of her departure. she located an empty spot in the public parking lot shortly before he arrived. when she saw him drive in and park, she grabbed her purse along with her own copy of the book she’d used to get unwrapped from the deadly freemasonry curses. he was on the phone as she approached his truck. she knocked on the door, startling him. why did he look guilty?

as he exited the truck, she handed him the book, explaining again what was in it, what it would bring and offering her help. her heart was heavily invested in this man and his future, more than he realized. he took the book and tossed it onto the seat, quickly closing the driver’s door.

they strolled arm in arm to the nearby restaurant. once inside, she heard him being overly nice to her, compensating for something. smiling, he encouraged her to, “order whatever you want!” as they viewed the familiar vegan menu. what?? that never happened before.

they sat down at their regular table and began to talk. he couldn’t hold it in anymore. before she knew what was happening, he’d lifted his phone toward her so she could see the photo.

the text messages she’d sent him last weekend were never answered because he was at circus soleil with the woman in the selfie. her heart shattered as she took in the image. there he was, cheek to cheek with a pretty young woman, both of them with big smiles on their faces.

Circus, Arena, Ring, Manege, Fun, Show, Entertainment
photo credit: pixabay

she’s a nurse,” he proudly proclaimed. she was also the woman who called during dinner last week, the same one he met at yoga. she saw it without him saying it. the gifts work even when you wish they didn’t.

in an instant, her clues were verifiable facts and her dream was interpreted. his guilt was consuming him. he’d had to come clean. she tried to keep a poker face and hide her pain, but it was useless. she excused herself to the restroom which quickly became a counseling center between her and holy spirit.

tears sprang quickly. “well. i don’t even know what to do with this. help me keep it together and walk this out.” she quickly recalled past conversations, him telling her he had nothing to give, yet here he was spending significant time with another woman. this after she watched him pull away when she called him out on bad behavior. he didn’t like being accountable.

she saw what was going on. soul fragments were manifesting and causing a mess. they were stuck in time at the same places as when the original wounds had occurred, some decades earlier. they were unredeemed, immature, surly, sweet, unforgiving, childish, charming and petulant.

the restroom was only a temporary haven. someone else would want to use it. she couldn’t stay in there all night. she pulled herself together, wiping away moisture from the corners of her eyes. dinner was going to be tough. she asked for grace as she went back to the table.

conversation was stilted. confirmation of his betrayal sent her reeling. she didn’t have much to say back to him as he described the other activities he’d been involved in.

the falafel had dried out and lost its taste. nuts. she played with food she wasn’t eating, as he offered to take her hiking someplace new when she returned from her trip. she nodded and smiled a lame smile while her inner voice responded, “yeah, okay. i wonder what you’ll be doing while i’m gone.” any remaining trust was all but eroded.

he paid the check, left a tip and they exited the restaurant. she just wanted to get in her car and be alone. her emotions needed a safe place to explode. not quite yet. he walked her to the car and got in the passenger seat. they just sat there. neither was sure what to say to the other. after the awkward silence, they agreed he’d pick her up and take her to the airport on friday.

she observed how he’d been sitting there with his head hanging down. he was feeling badly. he knew he’d hurt her. when he spoke, she was surprised by his words. “i love you.”

then, in a another surprise move, he leaned over and kissed her tenderly on her right cheek. he’d never done that before.

this would take time and some sorting.

it would take much, much longer to sort than she knew in the moment..

copyright © 2019 jane doe productions llc

 

conversations and clues

the entire region was thick with smoke as fires burned out of control. she was driving back from a quick overnight trip. they agreed to meet for late lunch when she returned. the trip was uneventful until she was twenty minutes from home.

traffic slowed, then stopped. there was a wreck on the highway. someone had died. she was triggered. hands shaking, she used the voice recorder to message him a heads up about the delay and the triggering. he responded saying he would pick her up at the house.

as she neared home, she called her friend to pray with her. images of the wrecked vehicles wanted to stick in her mind like super glue, only causing more angst. she fought to keep her peace. it wasn’t the first time she was triggered by a wreck and a death. she let the thoughts go by, asking jesus to heal her and wash away those images. breathe, just breathe. keep breathing. inhale, exhale. let it out.

he pulled up to the house minutes after she arrived. she jumped into his pickup and they drove downtown to their favorite hangout in town, choosing to sit outside in smoky haze generate by fires hundreds of miles away.  they ordered late lunch, happy to have their regular server welcome them.

he pulled out his phone to show her several new family photos sent from his mom. they were photos of his own dad and his daughter together, another of both his parents with his daughter. “look at this!” he said. “purpose. they have purpose! she has given them purpose to live! i guarantee he would not be alive now without her living with them, giving them purpose.”

tears filled her eyes as she listened to him. he had missed all of his daughter’s growing up years, the birthdays, the special events, proms and homecomings. even as regret tried to strong-arm him into condemnation, he was beyond grateful his parents raised his only daughter. she was a beautiful, confident young woman. her grandparents had poured love and care into her. his fought through a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, battling to get free of years of guilt and shame.

tears in her eyes, she only affirmed him. “i’m so proud of you, so glad you can see this. this was the absolute best thing for her under the circumstances. they gave her a stability you could not. her life would have been destroyed if she’d been with you these years.” it was not an easy truth, but it was the truth, nonetheless. they both knew it.

when lunch was finished they walked to the marina, resting on ‘their’ bench for a minute before walking down the sidewalk. he shared how there were issues with a couple who were friends of his. the wife was having some issues with him being around her husband. he was angry about it, feeling rejected.

she was silent, knowing well the why the wife felt this way. conversation continued as they walked along the river and sat down at a picnic table. the smoke from the fires was thick now. it was getting harder to breathe. wisdom showed up to warn them, but they did not hear her voice.

his work was ongoing drama, too. a new female mechanic was not performing up to his work standards. he was angry at her sloppiness, wanting her to steer clear of his own workspace so he wouldn’t get hurt. he was afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting sick again. afraid of so many things.

fear had entered his heart as a small boy when he had leukemia. the demon of fear and it’s sidekick infirmity still tormented his mind like a battering ram, keeping him from sleep most nights.

she gently tried to steer him out of the current thought pattern, but he wasn’t having it. suddenly, she’d become the enemy as he looked back at her with daggers in his eyes. she apologized for what she said. it was the quickest way to diffuse his anger and fear.

after a time, they walked back to the truck and he took her home. she mentioned her upcoming trip to him, and asked if he’d take her to the airport. he answered her query with his own. “do you want me to take you to the airport?” “yes, i’d like that very much.” “okay, done.” 

a few days later they had dinner at their favorite mexican restaurant in the city. it happened to be the same place where they often had lively conversation about matters of the heart and family. old memories came back to her as they found a table in the backyard.

shortly thereafter, his phone lit up with a photo of a woman on it. she was calling him. the ringer was silent, but it didn’t keep the photo from popping up. he nervously looked at it, then across the table at her, trying to find a way to explain what he hoped she had not seen.

Communication, Telephone, Phone, Espionage, Spying
photo credit: pixabay

he excused himself to the restroom, clearly busted and guilt-ridden for something she was not yet certain of. filing away the important and curious clue, she later presumed he’d left to call the woman for a brief moment. she saw it, knew she was correct. it was painful when the seer gift showed her more than her heart wanted to see.

they ordered dinner. he began to talk about how he joined a social organization called, ‘meet up.’ it allowed him to meet other people, get out and socialize, so he wouldn’t be ‘that creepy guy” any more. she’d never seen him in that light, but apparently he saw himself this way.

he offered that maybe she could join, too. there were a bunch of christian groups doing things. he pulled out his phone, showed her the app, opening it up so she could see. she might like it. she studied him again. what was this all about? was he inviting her deeper into his world? did he want her to join him in some other type of activities? more puzzle pieces, more filing.

people who go here aren’t looking to date other people

he was going to yoga class, too. hot yoga, designed to release tension, without any of the foo-foo religious stuff. this was purely for stretching and endurance. as they drove down lombard street, he showed her where the studio was.

then he made the oddest remark of the evening. “you know, people who go to this class aren’t looking for people to date. it’s almost 100 degrees in here, so most people don’t have a lot of clothes on.” what??? now, that was just plain odd. what was he talking about? another clue.

her trip was only a week away. he still on board to take her to the airport and pick her up when she returned. the following weekend, she drove north to her friend’s house. she texted him on saturday morning when she woke but never got a response. it stung. something was amiss, out of order. what was it?

her heart hurt as she went to sleep that night. peace was elusive. she would soon understand why. when dreams came, they were vivid, often strange. this one was no exception. it came to her early in the morning, when it was nearly time to get up for the day.

in the dream, there was a race with many people running in it. she was one of them. so was a woman she admired but did not know well. there was a man in the race, too. she knew him, too, but not very well, either.

she observed the man closely. while he wasn’t wearing a shirt, he was wearing running shorts, but something was wrong. he was missing the undergarment one would expect him to be wearing under the running shorts. as he was moving about, he experienced a wardrobe malfunction.

it was not the front of his anatomy suffering exposure, but the backside, the place where one releases excrement. in the dream, she saw his ***hole. it was unexpected and shocking.

at the same time she saw his ***hole, she heard the woman she knew calling her name loudly, warning her. as she transitioned out of the dream, it was her friend’s voice she heard calling her name…

tens minutes later, she had a cup of coffee in her hand as the dream replayed in her mind. oh, my. this would take a minute to process. and still no word from him. why? why was he ignoring her? why wasn’t he responding? it wasn’t like him at all.

the why was revealed in the dream. he was hiding something. he was being an ***hole and he was exposed. was this dream from father or from the liar? what was she to do with it? and what about those clues?

clearly, the inference of the dream could not be ignored. he’d been caught talking out of both sides of his mouth.

it was not funny or cute. it was painful and hard.

he was lying to her.

copyright © 2017 jane doe productions

my name is john

it was friday, november 8, 2019. the alarm went off at 6 am stirring both women to get up and get moving. the conference schedule had two full days remaining, but their food supplies needed replenishing. the quick fix was another run to the local trader joe’s before driving to the conference location.

they made coffee in the room, turned on the tv and began chatting as they got ready for the day. the florida woman took a quick shower while the oregon woman read and posted some prophetic words on facebook.

one of those words reached in and grabbed her spirit as she read it the first time. when her friend was within earshot again, she read it out loud:

“be prepared to be sprung into action. days are quickly approaching when you will be called upon without a moment’s notice. be ready and in a state of preparedness to tackle whatever situation you encounter. it will be somewhat like being an emergency room physician. i am about to vault you into situations where you will have to respond quickly and be fast on your feet without second-guessing yourself. you are a spiritual first responder.”

philippians 4:13 (ampc) “i have strength for all things in christ who empowers me [i am ready for anything and equal to anything through him who infuses inner strength into me; i am self-sufficient in christ’s sufficiency].”  kevin robinson

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photo credit: pixabay

it was a rather sobering word. pay attention to your surroundings and respond as needed. nothing is coincidence.

the women got their gear in order for the day and headed to trader joe’s. armed with salads, granola bars and chocolate, they checked out and got in the car to drive to the conference.

the oregon woman, chauffeur for the week, noted her quickly declining patience as activity behind her prevented them from backing out and leaving. it was an odd configuration for a parking lot, not easy to navigate to the street. as they finally pulled up to the street to turn left, they saw her.

she was on the sidewalk to the left of the car, standing stock-still, almost catatonic. her eyes were fixed in a vacant stare. her left arm was draped across the top of her abdomen while her right arm covered the lower part. she was protecting herself.

her hair was sort of dishwater blond hair reaching past her shoulders. she looked well kept, not homeless. her coat was purple, her leggings black. she just stood there about 15 feet away from the car.

“my god, what’s wrong with her??” both women were shocked as they observed her. something was seriously wrong. the oregon woman looked at the florida woman in the car.

“she’s in shock. something happened to her. from the way she’s holding herself, she might have been raped or had an abortion. the oregon woman rolled down the driver’s window and called out to her.

“honey, are you okay? do you need anything?” the young woman continued to stare off into the distance. both women began calling out to her with urgency. “are you okay? are you hungry? do you need money? how can we help you?”

after what felt like an eternity, the young woman’s head turned toward them to engage. she took a few steps toward the car. her brokenness was heart breaking.

by this time, each woman had pulled cash out of their wallets to give her. now, she was closer to the car. the oregon woman extended the cash out the window to her. “honey, what’s your name?”

her answer stunned them, confirming her need for help. her lips trembled as she answered, “my name is john.” the women looked at each other. tears came to their eyes as they quickly realized they weren’t at all equipped to help her. and whoever john was, well, that opened up more questions than answers.

they couldn’t take her anywhere and they couldn’t stay parked at the exit of the parking lot. they left her there, standing still on the sidewalk, motionless, holding two twenties in her left hand, broken.

the florida woman cried as they drove away. they felt helpless but knew couldn’t care for her further. the oregon woman dialed 911. they could get a patrol car to do a wellness check on her.

“911 operator, can I help you?”

“yes, please, my name is ___________. we were just pulling out of trader’s joe’s at the intersection of ___________.

there’s a young woman standing on the sidewalk, almost catatonic. she needs a wellness check. something is very wrong. we gave her some money, but she needs looking after.”

the operator asked for a few more details and the call ended. as they drove to their destination, jesus spoke up, “you did exactly what I wanted you to do.”

when they arrived at the conference, the oregon woman ran to one of the spiritual mothers who also happened to be a social worker.  after telling the story, the older woman confirmed what jesus had said.

“you were not equipped to help her. i would’ve done the very same thing. it was the right thing to do.”

the prophetic word they received earlier did equip the women for the assignment they were given. they cared, they loved, they provided, they prayed. the young woman would be okay.

it was another good day in the kingdom.

copyright 2019 jane doe productions llc

 

coffee and honor

once upon a time, two women made plans to room together for a conference in washington state. complete strangers only weeks earlier, they’d connected on facebook through a group they both belonged to.

their lodging was an extended stay hotel in everett, washington. one woman flew in from florida and the other drove from oregon. as the woman from oregon parked her car, she wondered if her roommate had arrived.

she pulled her luggage into the hotel lobby to find a couple people checking in at the front desk. as she waited, another woman burst though the lobby doors addressing the two people at the desk. “there’s no coffee pot in our room! why isn’t there a coffee pot in our room?” she was a petite, blond fireball with a very legitimate question.

the oregon woman spoke up behind her. “what?? there’s no coffee pot in the room? every hotel room has a coffee pot in it. that’s crazy!”

the blond woman turned around to face her, nodding in agreement, “right??” and then it clicked. they were each other’s roommate for the week. laughing, they walked through the double doors into the interior of the hotel to their room.

as they unpacked, their conversation erupted into lively chatter planning for the week long conference. breaks were short, so they needed food for breakfast and lunch. and they needed coffee in the morning. no coffee pot was a serious thing requiring immediate resolution.

since the hotel was an extended stay facility, their room was larger than normal and pretty well equipped. the room had a sink, dishwasher, a full size refrigerator, but no plates or cups. there were two saucepans and a small frying pan. utensils were sparse. but no coffee pot, filters or coffee. it defied reason and practicality. both women were old enough to know what a stocked kitchen should look like; this wasn’t it.

shaking their heads, the pair decided to go to dinner and visit the local trader joe’s for provisions. on their way out, the man behind the front desk reported he still had no coffee pot for them. but he would work on it. the women looked at each other with the same expression of disbelief.

after a good meal of pasta and gathering foodstuffs for the week, they drove back toward the hotel. the oregon woman with the car looked to her new friend. “well, I saw a little coffee hut very near the hotel. i’ll get up in the morning and get us coffee.”

morning came quickly. while the florida woman jumped in the shower, the oregon woman went to fetch coffee in the dark and fog. she drove past the driveway leading down to the little coffee shack and did a quick u-turn to complete the mission.

the neighborhood around the hotel wasn’t great. huge power lines towered over the land adjacent to the hotel. it felt dark. but she didn’t put it all together until she drove up to the order window. then it all clicked together like legos.

what she saw was unexpected and shocking. it took her breath away. to her left in the little shack was a beautiful young woman. almost naked. close enough to naked to leave nothing to the imagination.

it was a bikini barista coffee shack, one of a small chain of coffee shops that draws mostly broken men as clientele. they show up for a few minutes to stare at broken beautiful, almost naked women as they wait for their morning coffee.

quickly composing herself, she locked her eyes on the young woman’s face. this was a holy spirit setup. not a mistake. time to engage and be present.  she ordered two coffees and the conversation flowed.

the barista asked if she was local or visiting. she explained she was visiting for a conference on biblical healing with essential oils, etc. the young woman responded with enthusiasm. “oh, i totally believe in the power of prayer. a man from my dad’s church had a heart attack. everyone prayed for him and he had no damage to his heart when he went home.”

observation made, door open. “you’re a beautiful young woman, kind and smart. i’m pretty sure daddy god has more for you to do than work here. it’s not his best for you to be seen like this.” she kept the tone of her voice gentle, calm and motherly.

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photo credit: pixabay

the young woman, smiled. “i know what you’re saying, but the owner of the company really believes in women’s rights. she thinks we should be very comfortable in our own skin.”

now momma bear rose up growling inside her. jesus. all these women had wounds that made them believe lies from the liar.

“i get that, being comfortable in your own skin and all, but not in front of men that are not your husband. that is not honoring you! you are not called to this. father god does not want you to share your beautiful body with any man except the one he’s chosen as your husband.”

the young barista was quiet for a moment as she handed the two coffees through the driver’s window. the conversation ended as they wished each other well and the oregon woman drove up the potholed road back to the hotel sloshing coffee all over. this was not at all what she’d expected. not even close. but god.

when she got back in their room, she told the story to the florida woman. they laughed, both knowing it was a god setup. “i was absolutely mortified. i did my best not to look at her body, but man..!”

it was certainly a way for the enemy to further exploit god’s daughters by luring god’s sons into further into pornography, strip clubs and worse. when they’d unpacked the event in great detail, holy spirit spoke to the oregon woman. “i want you to go back there for coffee every morning this week.”

there it was. the assignment. her flesh had little time to rebel as she quickly responded, “yes, i’ll go,” out loud to make it real.

tuesday morning came. no fog today. good. it made seeing the driveway for the coffee shack easier.

the same young woman was working again, wearing less on her body for cover than the day before. was that even possible?? silent anger rose up in her against the exploitation as she ordered two black coffees and sugar packets for her friend.

they had small talk, but not as much as the previous day. the truth had been spoken and it hung there in the space between them, waiting for action to be taken. she collected the coffees, paid for them and smiled at the young woman.

there was no time for more as a man in a semi tractor pulled in behind her for coffee. she felt the intent of the man’s heart, feeling righteous anger build in waves.

marching the coffee back to their room, she angrily told florida woman what transpired. something had to be done. in a moment, she saw herself above all those coffee shacks and the words came pouring out.

“father god, we agree for all of these daughters to receive healing for every soul wound, every place where they have been used and abused to be made whole. we agree for each them to be released into their destiny, into the plans and purposes you have for them.

we agree that they are hidden in you, no longer seen by men or women who do not have your permission to see them in their vulnerability. we release the spirit of righteousness into this whole coffee chain and command a realignment of it into your plans and purposes for it. we break deception off of all concerned and ask the spirit of truth to lead them into all truth, and we give you thanks.”

the words were hardly out of her mouth as holy spirit spoke up again. “you don’t have to go back there again.” she saw it. what was needed was done.

feeling honored by what father had given them to do, the two women finished preparing for their day. to their surprise, the man at the front desk even had a coffee pot for them.

they thanked him, smiling as they walked to the car.

it was a great day in the kingdom.

copyright 2019 © jane doe productions llc

 

 

 

 

.

and everything changed

she drew in a breath as the speaker echoed what holy spirit showed her years earlier. it was still as unnerving to her human ears: “the plan for our destruction was released the moment we were conceived.”

immediately, her thoughts returned to the day with the life altering vision. it happened on a sunday morning, transporting her back ages to a place she’d not been before. she recounted the thoughts and events of the morning with uncanny accuracy.

the summer sun streamed through her bedroom windows as she prepared to make the thirty mile drive to church. going to this particular place in the city was an assignment to re-dig wells they didn’t know were stopped up. she mused over what had transpired there in the months she’d been attending.

a religious spirit dominated most of the services held in the auditorium of the catholic school. she was sent to pray in tongues, worship and shift the atmosphere. the leaders didn’t like her or her gifts much.

most sundays, friendly fire came at her from the pulpit. jesus always warned her in advance so she knew to dodge those fiery darts. it stung when the pastors bashed and mocked the gifts given by the father of lights, but they’d been taught the gifts were over, invalid and irrelevant.

they reacted badly when someone came around actually using them for all to see and hear. her living testimony flew in the face of bad doctrine, fear and religious spirits.

all things considered, it was no surprise they refused to interview her in their  search for a female pastor. she knew more than they did, and clearly, that would never work in their structure; she would not be controlled. she had something else, too – a real relationship with the king of the universe spilling out all over in living color.

over time, their views would change. transformation would occur from the inside out, instead of the reverse, common in so many denominations.

she sighed as she recalled the end of their hiring process. instead of hiring a woman, they filled the open position with a young man, one like them.  when the new pastor started, she secretly encouraged him to break out of their religious boundaries.

shaking off those thoughts, the vision opened up to her.

holy spirit took her up into the heavens to a place where secret conversations and plans were made, like a strategy room. what she saw took place ions earlier. clearly, an ancient mystery was being revealed to her.

she saw father god sitting in his big armchair with several destiny scrolls in his lap. one was opened up, unfurled and held between his large, capable hands.  on the right side of the chair, hovering up near his right ear, was a spirit. preparations were underway for it to become a human in the earth.

destiny scrolls were of great significance. detailed planning went into the creation and execution of each one. they not only impacted the earth, but the heavens and the entire universe.

the relationship between father and this spirit was tender and intimate, their discussion was playful until the conversation grew somber.  she heard father explaining what was being asked of this spirit. the spirit grew quiet, processing the information it heard.

the request was daunting, seemingly impossible. the implications were unpleasant, even deadly, depending on physical location within the activities of the scroll. if the spirit consented to this plan, it would do so out of love, obedience and deep trust.

in it all, the creator knew his own intent and how every piece would fit together. he saw the restoration of all things culminating at the end of the scroll. he waited a moment for the spirit to catch the same vision.

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photo credit: pixabay

in a flash, the spirit saw it, shouting, ‘yes!’ loudly without reservation. it was a scene unlike any other.

holy spirit turned back to her. shaken at what she’d witnessed, she was unprepared for the question put before her.

“what if,” holy spirit paused, “what if, one of these spirits agreed to come into such gross outer darkness with only the promise that someone would reach down to pull them out?”

the truth of this revelation was immediate. there could be no more wrong judgment against humanity. no one knew what another had signed up for in the strategy room outside of time.

she considered again how satan releases the plan of destruction against each human at the moment of conception.  maybe those condemned the most have the greatest assignments sent against them.

some escape, sharing harrowing stories as victims or perpetrators, but all victims, nonetheless. one woman was chosen to be a mother of darkness in satan’s empire as a little girl.

her family has been held captive for generations, as are so many others. many of them are simply born into it and have never known freedom.

the woman shared valuable intelligence from every aspect of satan’s operations, describing in detail the five divisions of his organization: satanists, freemasons, the catholic church, the mormon church and the cabal.

armed with this knowledge, she saw how individuals and entities were aligned under each demonic division – and what was required to shift them to kingdom influence and rule. the kingdoms of this world would become the kingdoms of our god as life was spoken into them.

when the vision was over, the directive was clear: reach down to pull another out of gross outer darkness.

two years passed since the original vision. holy spirit continued to unpack the vision layer after layer until her heart was laid bare.

after receiving permission to scribe it, it came easily, except the ending.

she had no words to communicate the urgency of the message. the tree of life stood before her, waiting for those who would eat her sweet fruit.

holy spirit would do it, showing each person when they needed rescue by a strong arm pulling them out of gross outer darkness.

holy spirit would show each human the value of their own salvation.

and everything would change.

copyright © jane doe productions llc

nonsense and discipline

to whom it may concern:

i believe in honor.

when you tell me we can be friends but you’re not interested in a relationship with any woman, i will guard my heart.

when you tell me you don’t need me to call or text you, i will honor your request.

when you tell me you don’t need help, i will not offer my assistance.

be mindful of the words you speak.

intent carries inertia. it makes what you say become reality.

passive aggressive behavior is dangerous all around.

be mindful you’re not being a bully when you can choose to be kind and loving.

brave introspection reveals less than desirable behaviors to us. it offers a rear view mirror of our lives, sometimes reflecting people who love you running the other direction because they were not valued.

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photo credit: pixabay

father only puts up with our nonsense for so long. then he comes with loving discipline because we cannot be children forever. we must grow up.

he removes the people we bully, scapegoat and gas light because he loves them. he will hide and protect them.

he also removes them because he loves us.

after he’s done a hot extraction to rescue our victims of selfishness and narcissism, there’s only the two of us left. then what?

then it’s time to learn who we really are. it’s time to stop living that false identity. it’s time to stop acting out in toddler-esque behavior. it’s time to grow up in jesus.

now, i’m going to get personal.

i won’t say you don’t deserve me because at the core of your being, you absolutely do. you deserve the best. that is father’s plan for you.

it’s also his plan for me. i deserve his best because i’m his daughter. i deserve better than being bullied and mistreated. i deserve to be honored, loved and cherished as my father‘s daughter.

it doesn’t mean there’s not room for mercy, forgiveness and grace. it means i am loving and honoring myself properly. it means i will honor my boundaries to stay healthy.

i’m not willing to eat bread crumbs from the floor when i can feast abundantly at his table. the same holds true for you.

the door to your heart is only open to me when you open it to Jesus. the first love gate belongs to Him. i am second.

until you say, ‘yes’ to holy spirit and yield to the transforming work of the cross in your own life, you won’t have room for me in your heart. it really is that simple.

as you are healed and made whole, you take responsibility for your words and your behavior.

you take responsibility for saying yes to holy spirit’s fire every day so fruit can develop in your life.

me?

i am content. i am my father‘s daughter. no matter what you choose, i will move forward and complete my destiny. nothing will change that.

none of us can fix our lives. not one. nope. nada. zip.

jesus showed up so we would stop the do-it-yourself, burn-the-house-to-the-ground home-improvement projects.

your life was never meant to be torment.

it was meant to be beautiful, full of love, grace and good fruits. you get to choose.

look around you. i know you don’t like what you see and i know you don’t like how you behave. you shouldn’t. it’s not who you really are. i see you. i know.

surrender. surrender it all. surrender your pride. surrender your self-rule.

invite his hammer of grace to come down and utterly smash every false idol you’ve erected.

be who you are as a son of god and kick every false identity to the curb.

give to jesus the reward of his suffering – you.

learn who he is. learn who you are. break bread with him.

cultivate a relationship with the one who made you.

today’s a good day to be born from above.

we have things to do, things we agreed to written on parchment scrolls stored in heaven.

i still believe in you.

now you must do the same.

copyright jane doe productions © 2019

securing things

memorial weekend. a girls’ weekend. had she ever been on one? no. it would be a weekend to remember.

two new friends were driving in from spokane, coming to her rescue as she worked through loss, grief and shock.

the loss was severe in its own right. she and her furry snowshoe siamese boy had become one, just like adam and eve had been one with creation in the garden. part of her had died with him in the emergency hospital that day. she had no idea how that piece of her heart would live again.

for weeks, the darkness just got worse as she processed through the sequence of events that led to buddy’s demise. wisdom spoke. not all things could be shared as she saw certain details with great clarity. those she’d loved and trusted had committed the heinous acts of betrayal, loosing dark, destructive acts of witchcraft against her in her own home and workplace.

she’d gone into the courts of heaven weeks previously, summoning the guilty parties as holy spirit pointed them out. the usual suspects were present along with some unexpected guests.

she shook her head in disbelief, noting they all belonged to the same witches coven. most of them were rejected by church people. the enemy wasted no time recruiting them, welcoming use of their gifts for his purposes.

jesus strode into the courtroom, addressing the group at large. “you all know why you’re here. let’s get down to business.”

he began the process of calling out the offenses each had committed against her, waiting for them to own their actions before moving on to the next person.

she watched as some hung their heads in guilt. others turned away from jesus in defiance. it was laughable when they turned on each other, pointing fingers and shouting, “he made me do it!”

she called one last defendant into court to join the other wayward children. he’d been clinging to and actively engaging in so-called white witchcraft, learned from his former wife seated at the table. while she was a practicing witch, he’d also done his share of damage. witchcraft is witchcraft. so is guilt by association.

he stood with his head bowed low as jesus spoke. “are you willing to repent, renouncing your allegiance and participation in all witchcraft and occult?” the man nodded his head, ashamed of what he’d given place to. he was unable to look up to see the love in jesus’ eyes’ for him. he couldn’t receive it yet.

the ever righteous judge ruled in her favor because of the blood, because of the cross. those that had placed a bubble of witchcraft around her were also judged not guilty. the cross stood before them all, a constant reminder of our perfection and innocence before father god before the foundation of the world.

when court was adjourned, she left with a spring in her step thinking the onslaught sent against her was over. it was not.

later, she’d see the one man who’d refused to repent. through him, the enemy kept on with intent to destroy her. his unhealed wounds resulted in extreme narcissism. he had a door flung wide open door for jezebel to walk through and she did, taking up residence and full control. while she lived through the last attack, her beloved kitty did not.

the grief was as relentless as the attacks. she’d done everything she knew to clear her apartment and workplace. friends prayed in agreement. demons still manifested in the wee hours of the morning, banging & tapping on the refrigerator. the one who would not repent astral projected into her apartment whenever he wanted. too tired to fight, she relied on her angels to keep her.

the atmosphere at work intensified, ramping up to yet another flare up with her boss. he was overcome with fear, unwilling to yield to papa’s recent invitation to be loved as a son, to walk with him in the garden.

his unhealed wounds allowed the enemy to use him against her. fear, greed, selfishness, pride. more usual suspects. so many of papa’s sons needed more prayer. her boss had no understanding why he did what he did so he blamed her. she asked for more prayers from her facebook family. they obliged.

the next morning, her angels checked in as she left for work. rafael stood towering above her, smiling confidently. “we have you surrounded,  madam.” she grinned, sensing their affection and dedication to her. she saw them in the spirit often. it gave her a sure confidence in father’s ability, desire and promise to protect her.

now she packed for this girls’ weekend. they were coming to her. she didn’t have to go looking for support. help was on the way. faithful friends are precious.

their accommodations were in the heart of the city, but the log cabin décor and atmosphere made them feel like they were deep in the woods. it was perfect. they were minutes from the waterfront, walking trails and great restaurants.

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photo credit: the heathman lodge
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photo credit: the heathman lodge

they got in late friday night and spent time talking about matters of the heart. saturday morning came too early. no one was in a hurry so they took their time getting ready.

as one of them was leaving the room, she noted the door latch didn’t catch when she pulled the door shut. it wouldn’t lock. they quickly realized their room had been unsecured all night long. it was unsettling.

housekeeping was making their rounds in the hall outside. they quickly contacted the building engineer and he hustled right up to their room.  she sat on the bed listening to the man work the door.

one, two, three times she heard him open and close the door. her ears perked up and she said, “wait! listen!” to her friend across the room. father god spoke: “i am securing your calling, i am securing your hearts and i am closing the doors to the things in your lives the enemy has been trying to keep open.”

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photo credit: pixabay

he continued, “like a three-fold cord, you will not be easily broken,” referring to the three of them. the broken latch was fixed at 1:01 pm, indicating new beginnings and fresh starts.

wisdom spoke. “turn your wounds into wisdom.” those few words were filled with power. nothing had been wasted. it was being turned for good.

she saw angels sweeping out her apartment and her workplace. there was an immediate shift in so many things.

their personal lives were not the only ones to be impacted that day. holy spirit gave her instructions for an assignment. later that day, they drove to the waterfront with a small container of salt.

each of them took salt in the hands and it in the columbia river flowing below the platform. as they tossed the salt, she prophesied that the salt was now washing the false face of the new age off of vancouver and all of washington, off of portland and all of oregon. they blessed the river with abundance and supernatural cleansing.

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photo credit: calstate.aaa.com

it was a holy moment.

they stood in silence watching the river, grateful, thankful and secure.

 

 

jane what???

good day, dear reader,

upon waking, we (referring to my various alter egos) had no idea we would be writing today. indeed, i remarked earlier to a friend that jane doe was still on hiatus and we did not know when she would be returning.

however, the events of today warranted that the lesser known jane what??? make a public appearance to pen comedy for all of you. things have been heavy of late, yes, and while we are assured of victory in every battle, some good roaring laughter can go along way. here we go:

the alarm went off at 5:45 am quickly followed by a muttered ‘shut up’ as my hand groped for the snooze button. this sequence occurred several times, each time resetting the device to ring in 9 minutes. i gave in to it about 6:45 wishing i felt more rested.

the 3 am antics of buddy the wonder cat had already negatively impacted my mood. thus, he found himself on yet another time out in the bathroom until mommy was ready to get up.

i crawled out of bed and located the uncle fester inspired spoonk mat (you can look that up on amazon). plopping it on the floor for the first part of the morning routine. lying down on the sharp acupressure points for a few minutes to awaken my back and spine is a good thing. some would call this torture. i would agree.

after getting myself upright again, i let the cat out of jail. he was suitably repentant (or at least as much as a cat is willing to repent.) we had a few minutes of play before i surveilled the state of my small apartment.

it was a mess. small spaces require more frequent attention or it goes bad quickly. i carried a thoroughly stuffed laundry basket into my main room and dumped it on the floor. clearly, the basket itself had developed supernatural capacity because this was not one load of laundry; it was three. ugh.

i sorted clothes. i counted quarters. yes, i can do this. so off i went with the 1st load to the laundry room. it’s equipped with one washer and one dryer for all seven apartments. i loaded the washer, fed it coins and detergent and scooted back before anyone saw me.

after brewing my cuppa, i sat down at the computer to catch up on social media and thank papa for this day, asking holy spirit to order my weekend.

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photo credit: pixabay

after a nice conversation with m. on messenger, i drank my coffee, scrolled twitter and the cia life tracker (oops, i mean facebook. do not send me any ugly messages. you know it’s true.)

with caffeine powering me, i began the business of picking up and clearing out to get the vacuuming under way. when that task was accomplished, i carted the second load of laundry to the laundry room. this one had the sheets and mattress pad in it. i purposely did it in this order so i wouldn’t have to do the third load today if i ran out of mojo. the first load went into the dryer and i returned to the vacuuming.

after cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, i went to retrieve the  first load from the dryer, folding it after throwing the sheets, etc. into the dryer. with the first load was folded, i went back to my apartment and finished cleaning the main living space. hang in there with me. we’re about to change gears, i promise.

after a suitable amount of time passed, i returned to the laundry room to retrieve the second load from the dryer and get the third load drying. the end was in sight.

i pulled open the dryer door to find a foreign object on top of my items. YES. something that DID NOT belong to me was in my laundry. my CLEAN laundry. one of my fellow tenants put his (yes, assuming the male species) wet bath mat in MY hot dryer cycle, paid for with MY $$$$, with MY clean sheets and mattress pad in it.

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photo credit: jane what???

jane very loudly exclaimed, “WHAT???” yes, she did. i did. whatever. we ALL did.

ladies, i bet you KNOW every thought i was having in that moment. WHO does THIS??? WHAT???

going into full detective mode, i considered which apartment housed the guilty party. there are only 7 here. the process of elimination pointed the arrow to the culprit(s) quickly.

i walked over and knocked on the apartment door, waiting a moment. no answer. but i could hear the silent, ‘uh, oh’ through the door.

i returned to folding my sheets, hearing that same apartment door open and close several times while i was still in the laundry room. i smelled their fear at being busted for this heinous act.  the big momma alter ego was having too much fun.

possession is still 9/10’s of the law. i have the offending bath mat secured in my apartment. it is my hostage until the owner is courageous enough to knock on my door and own his offense.

in wisdom, i notified my landlord about this infraction. he offered that if my big momma voice was good enough for him, it will be good enough for them as well.

this, friends, is jane what???’s crazy story for the day. you can’t make this stuff up.

something tells me the boys will just go buy another bath mat..

WHAT???

 

jane doe productions llc copyright © 2019