no small thing

it was the weekend, time for another bath to rejuvenate and refresh. it was time for conversation with jesus on a topic she didn’t often broach.

it was painful. questions outnumbered answers. she was surprised when he addressed her thoughts before she could speak.

Bathroom, Towels, Flowers, Bathtub, Spa, Tub, Interior
photo credit: pixabay

various scenes and encounters played through her mind like old movie reels.

years had passed. prophetic words had come, gone, fallen to the ground.

when they fell, she lifted them back up in her hands, gently cleansing them and strengthening them with promise.

well meaning friends attempted to console with platitudes and scripture. they didn’t quite fit or comfort.

other not so much friends came with false prophecy to take her away from the directives on her destiny scroll. she was both surprised and amused when demons rose up as lying words were confronted with truth.

she thanked abba for the spirit of truth. truth was a close companion and trusted friend. healing and deliverance came as fast as truth rooted out the counterfeit.

old doors were firmly closed while new ones opened wide to paths of freedom. it was a new season, one she’d waited for in earnest.

hope remained. she nurtured it daily. hope kept her focused and immovable.

new possibilities were presented for her consideration.

she tucked deeper into jesus’ protective embrace, occasionally glancing at his ring on her finger.

the bathtub conversation went to the promise she held in her heart.

it was jesus’ time to speak to it.

“you have said ‘yes’ to many of my sons, trusting me to do the work of transformation in them so you could be one flesh.

none of them have said ‘yes’ to you because of the high price it will cost to walk with you.

they have been afraid, unwilling to surrender to the work or the calling.

walking with you, child, is no small thing.

you have suffered massive rejection and misunderstanding, and yet you’ve never left my side.

i will make things right for you.”

she wept.

in a few powerful words of truth, he’d blown away the shame, rejection, religion and all the other mess.

no one else had to understand.

he did.

january, 2020 copyright © jane doe productions llc

 

falafel and the circus

the long anticipated trip quickly approached. like any assignment she’d been given, the warfare and distractions intensified as the mission neared. while warfare was expected, she was nearly always caught off guard by the people it came through.

recent events and dreams revealed details difficult to choke down rather like a massive hairball. while she unraveled freemasonry in her own family, she saw it clearly in his family line, too. he didn’t want to hear about it even as she encouraged him to do the work to be freedom from the curses.

she told him about the resource she’d used. she offered to walk with him through his own process. she shared how much this mattered for future generations of his bloodline, for his children and grandchildren.

they had dinner scheduled the week of her departure. she located an empty spot in the public parking lot shortly before he arrived. when she saw him drive in and park, she grabbed her purse along with her own copy of the book she’d used to get unwrapped from the deadly freemasonry curses. he was on the phone as she approached his truck. she knocked on the door, startling him. why did he look guilty?

as he exited the truck, she handed him the book, explaining again what was in it, what it would bring and offering her help. her heart was heavily invested in this man and his future, more than he realized. he took the book and tossed it onto the seat, quickly closing the driver’s door.

they strolled arm in arm to the nearby restaurant. once inside, she heard him being overly nice to her, compensating for something. smiling, he encouraged her to, “order whatever you want!” as they viewed the familiar vegan menu. what?? that never happened before.

they sat down at their regular table and began to talk. he couldn’t hold it in anymore. before she knew what was happening, he’d lifted his phone toward her so she could see the photo.

the text messages she’d sent him last weekend were never answered because he was at circus soleil with the woman in the selfie. her heart shattered as she took in the image. there he was, cheek to cheek with a pretty young woman, both of them with big smiles on their faces.

Circus, Arena, Ring, Manege, Fun, Show, Entertainment
photo credit: pixabay

she’s a nurse,” he proudly proclaimed. she was also the woman who called during dinner last week, the same one he met at yoga. she saw it without him saying it. the gifts work even when you wish they didn’t.

in an instant, her clues were verifiable facts and her dream was interpreted. his guilt was consuming him. he’d had to come clean. she tried to keep a poker face and hide her pain, but it was useless. she excused herself to the restroom which quickly became a counseling center between her and holy spirit.

tears sprang quickly. “well. i don’t even know what to do with this. help me keep it together and walk this out.” she quickly recalled past conversations, him telling her he had nothing to give, yet here he was spending significant time with another woman. this after she watched him pull away when she called him out on bad behavior. he didn’t like being accountable.

she saw what was going on. soul fragments were manifesting and causing a mess. they were stuck in time at the same places as when the original wounds had occurred, some decades earlier. they were unredeemed, immature, surly, sweet, unforgiving, childish, charming and petulant.

the restroom was only a temporary haven. someone else would want to use it. she couldn’t stay in there all night. she pulled herself together, wiping away moisture from the corners of her eyes. dinner was going to be tough. she asked for grace as she went back to the table.

conversation was stilted. confirmation of his betrayal sent her reeling. she didn’t have much to say back to him as he described the other activities he’d been involved in.

the falafel had dried out and lost its taste. nuts. she played with food she wasn’t eating, as he offered to take her hiking someplace new when she returned from her trip. she nodded and smiled a lame smile while her inner voice responded, “yeah, okay. i wonder what you’ll be doing while i’m gone.” any remaining trust was all but eroded.

he paid the check, left a tip and they exited the restaurant. she just wanted to get in her car and be alone. her emotions needed a safe place to explode. not quite yet. he walked her to the car and got in the passenger seat. they just sat there. neither was sure what to say to the other. after the awkward silence, they agreed he’d pick her up and take her to the airport on friday.

she observed how he’d been sitting there with his head hanging down. he was feeling badly. he knew he’d hurt her. when he spoke, she was surprised by his words. “i love you.”

then, in a another surprise move, he leaned over and kissed her tenderly on her right cheek. he’d never done that before.

this would take time and some sorting.

it would take much, much longer to sort than she knew in the moment..

copyright © 2019 jane doe productions llc